Coping, Healing, Mothering & Living after the loss of a child
No child comes with a manual and being someone's mom and a first time parent can be scary when you don't know what to expect.
I had my first child, a baby girl 👶, when I was 20 years old. I was in college at the time and I found a balance between mothering and schooling that worked for me. With the help of those in my circle I was able to continue attending college without having to take a semester off or drop out.
6th Februaruary 2010 at 2:36am, I gave birth to her via C-Section at PMH 🏥.
She was named and christened *Charis Ashley Major*. 👼 The exciement and joy was through the roof.
During the fourteen (14) months that she was with us, Charis was that toddler with a big bubbly personality.
My laptop was obviously her laptop lol
Charis was the first grand child to her paternal grandmother and the first great grand child to her paternal great grandmother. She was also the first granddaughter to my mom. Everyone who met her, fell in love with her. Every day I think about her and I always say I wish I'd taken more pictures, recorded more videos, taken her to more places and made more memories. The memories I have of her and with her will never fade.
😂😂😂 We even slept alike.
Charis and Great-grammy "Mama Lisha"
Some of my favorite pics of Charis
This white watch lol I loved it and it's still in my jewelry box!!!
✨✨Cha-Cha Bella✨✨
She loved her Elmo
Every girl should wear pearls
Her first carnival 2010
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Living with the loss of a child, regardless of how old the child was, is hard. I can't and won't compare my situation to another parent but what I do know is that this feeling is something I battle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
No exaggeration, I think about her every day, be it something that reminds me of her, whenever I drive pass the cemetary where she's buried or just a random thought of her. It has gotten easier over the years and I've learned to live with it and not let it overcome me. I spent many days and nights praying and since prayers don't expire, I'm sure all of the prayers my family prayed to God on my behalf are still keeping me strong to this very moment.
I remember the day she died like it happened today, it makes me sad still but I have the strength to keep moving. I called the hospital that morning letting them know I would be going to church and that I'd come to the hospital afterwards. The nurse encouraged me to go and said church would do me good to calm me down so I went. My dad was driving me that day and my aunt called us for dinner before going to the hospital. While I was eating I could barely chew. I could remember the strange feeling in my gut. Moments later I got a call from the nurse saying they needed me ASAP. My heart sank. When I got there the doctor told me that her heart stopped beating at 3:47pm. I was escorted to the waiting room awaiting further word. At 4:47pm the code was called and that was it. She was gone. My baby was gone. Gone too soon.
The doctor came in the room, "I'm sorry mummy, baby has died" he turned and walked away. I was so numb I couldn't even cry.
My grandfather passed away 8 days prior to her passing. My dad and aunts were all there and it was like the weight of the world was literally on my neck! April 17th 2011 was a day like none other and the following days were a blur.
At Charis' funeral 29th April 2011
At Granddaddy's funeral 30th April 2011
At first, thinking about Charis made me cry, now thoughts of her make me smile and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Losing a loved one is a difficult time for anyone. A parent losing a young child, seeing that child in a coffin and being lowered into the ground is an outer-body experience that I wouldn't want anyone to experience.
I was given another chance to mother a child. Mothering after a loss is no easy feat still, it caused me to be super and overly protective of my son. I don't take any moment for granted.
If you have never lived through the loss of a child, please... please... please do not tell others how to grieve or mention what you would do if you were in their shoes. Give support, be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. There are no rules on how long to grieve however, there are ways to do it healthily. Do what works for you.
9 years later here I am, putting my feelings into words and I can honestly say I am stronger for having gone through what I went through. It helped to mold me into the individual that I am.
-Girl in the Yellow Sweater😘
#donnellsworld #girlintheyellowsweater #blogpost
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